NEW LOCATION: http://www.southfresh.org By Seth 02:30 p.m. Tuesday, January 20, 2004

I TRICKED YOU! But seriously, my real page has been updated here: http://seth.southfresh.org By Seth 09:05 p.m. Wednesday, August 14, 2002

With a big sigh of some random emotion that isn't quite relief and hardly lust, I have officially moved once again. If you're reading this, you're missing everything new which is now located at http://seth.southfresh.org By Seth 10:59 p.m. Thursday, July 11, 2002

Yes, I'm aware things look kinda weird, but I'm planning a move and a layout change, so pipe down. By Seth 09:30 p.m. Thursday, July 11, 2002

If we were all actually made from clay, what would our ceramics be made from? By Seth 04:29 p.m. Thursday, July 11, 2002

Found out recently that people put cake in a similar category to alcohol for social reasons. If someone offers you either, and you don't drink or eat cake, people assume the inquisition is in order: "Why?" So I tell them its against my religion. People tend to get frightened of anyone who belongs to an anti-cake religion. By Seth 10:51 p.m. Wednesday, July 10, 2002

It would probably be difficult for a tv-sitcom parent if it were written in that the family were to have a lemming as an highschool exchange student. You just couldn't have a special episode about peer pressure. "If all your friends jumped off a... well, ok... bad example..." By Seth 10:36 p.m. Wednesday, July 10, 2002

Bad Idea: Telling your supervisor that you want to leave work so you can go out on a shooting spree, kill some pimps, and beat down some rival gang members for selling drugs on your turf. Especially if she's not aware that you're talking about Grand Theft Auto 3. By Seth 10:20 p.m. Wednesday, July 10, 2002

Saw the following on a postit note left on a coworker's desk: Cake -> Yes Pudding -> No By Seth 08:34 p.m. Wednesday, July 10, 2002

I figure if I slowly decrease the width of space used to present these entries, they'll look a lot bigger and you'll be much more impressed. Someday I aim to have it so only one character is displayed per line. Ok, not really. By Seth 04:27 p.m. Monday, July 8, 2002

Under no circumstances is it acceptable to play air-guitar to a song, and then switch to air-drums. If air-drums are to be played, they should be played by an accomplished air-drummer. You can place an ad for an air-drummer at your nearest air-music store. You could then, after much practice, take your air-band on tour. This means that you will also be playing for air-audiences. By Seth 09:47 p.m. Sunday, July 7, 2002

Reworked for correct spelling: Mayonnaise 10 letters in Mayonnaise 5 letters in Satan 3 digits in 666 Mayonnaise divided by Satan is 2 2 mulitplied by the number of digits in 666 is 6 6 repeated 3 times = 666 By Seth 08:38 p.m. Sunday, July 7, 2002

For a time, my roommates and I were having an issue with spiders in our apartment. Our plan has worked, and we've been spider free for a while. Sure it's a little unsightly, but we've left the rotting corpses of the previous offenders on the wall, as a sign of territorial rights to the rest of the spiders. Well, would you go haplessly wandering through a neighborhood lightly salted with mangled and crushed human bodies laying about unproductively? By Seth 08:24 p.m. Sunday, July 7, 2002

The other day I proposed that along side of the "normal" language schools the military uses for troops going to foreign lands, there should be a cursing language school. This would get our military boys into the habit of sounding like Yosemite Sam, "rackenfragettysnargle...". Then I started to think that it'd be kinda cool if all of our military personel were dressed like Yosemite Sam, but I figure it would be difficult to find a nation to blow up that's military consisted only of soldiers dressed like bunnies and had brooklyn accents. By Seth 07:49 p.m. Sunday, July 7, 2002

How much would it suck to be Buddhist, and get reincarnated as a novelty statue of the Buddha? "Oh, so I'm not really enlightened... I'm just a reasonable facsimilie? This whole reincarnation thing is a crock. Stop rubbing my belly, that's insulting." By Seth 06:40 p.m. Wednesday, July 3, 2002

And one has to wonder if it's really necessary to open up a Haunted House attraction in a park dedicated to Vlad the Impaler. previous By Seth 06:36 p.m. Wednesday, July 3, 2002

With Disney Land's "Happiest Place on Earth" boast, I'm apprehensive about what the slogan form the Vlad the Impaler theme park is going to be. By Seth 06:04 p.m. Wednesday, July 3, 2002

thecoworker: Wouldn't the sharks be scared of the light? me: I don't know what parts of your body are luminant, but none of mine are. thecoworker: Oh, I thought everyone's nether regions glowed with an Angelic light accompanied by chorusters of singing hosts. Sorry, my bad, I forgot you're Jewish. me: Yeah, briss and all. previous By Seth 05:27 p.m. Wednesday, July 3, 2002

Yes we all get the same "Brooke Shields" drunken-fuzzy feeling in our stomachs (or lower) when we think of swimming in the ocean while nude. I want to help you uderstand why I won't be partaking of this semi-sexual aquatic escapade. Only one word, while you envision me and my parts dangling in the big great blue.... sharks. By Seth 01:03 a.m. Wednesday, July 3, 2002

That was just weird. I just went to the restroom, and realized that I was standing at the urinal next to the same guy I was standing next to the time before... just over an hour ago. I don't like the idea of my bladder sychronizing with anyone else's bladder. At least not without asking me. By Seth 10:50 p.m. Tuesday, July 2, 2002

I was given the priveledge of witnessing how the coffee pots in the break room are cleaned. Step 1. Make sure all burners are on. Step 2. Empty remaining coffee from pots Step 3. Spray inside of pots with random blue liquid cleaner. Be sure that there is enough random blue liquid cleaner to slosh around a bit. Step 4. Place pots on burners Step 5. Leave. So I'm no longer going to be drinking the coffee here. By Seth 04:57 p.m. Monday, July 1, 2002

Me: Ok, can you verify your account with the xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Customer: hold on please Me: Sure thing Customer: ready? Me: and waiting with baited breath. Me: I don't really know what that means, but I heard it somewhere By Seth 10:41 p.m. Wednesday, June 26, 2002

I've noticed there are some strategically placed, wall mounted, knob-timers... the kind they use in jacuzzis/spas. I'm wondering, if I turn one will air jets and bubbles miraculously appear throughout the floor? Or maybe it turns on "Magic Fingers" How inviting! By Seth 09:57 p.m. Wednesday, June 26, 2002

I'm not a smoker, but I do realize that smokers are people. My workplace decided to create a "special area" far away from the entrance, out in the parkinglot which is the only place that smokers are allowed to enjoy their tobacco. I'm Jewish... I recall stories about Nazis having some "special areas" for Jews once, long ago... By Seth 09:06 p.m. Wednesday, June 26, 2002

Standing in the break room, innocently making hot chocolate, I hear, "... did you just say you want to 'tea-bag' me?" from some coworker on his cellphone on the way out. I opted to not turn around and see who it was. By Seth 09:05 p.m. Wednesday, June 26, 2002

How did I know the last customer I helped was from Texas? That's the only place I know of where people need help to "configer" their computers. By Seth 07:07 p.m. Wednesday, June 26, 2002

If you ever get as bored as I do, you can try the following: Sing along to a well known song and substitute, in a moment of emphasis (best results), a word that doesn't fit in the slightest. Example: Before, "Riders on the storm..." After, "Riders on the taco..." It is important to stick with the same non-sequitor-word.... "Riders on the taco Riders on the Taco. into the taco we're born. Into this world we're taco.." Other words may be used as well... "Loofa on the storm Loofa on the storm Loofa this house we're born Loofa this world we're thrown.." It is preferable to do this while in mixed company, and make sure those present are quite familiar with the song you're murdering. By Seth 03:46 p.m. Monday, June 24, 2002

someone: So what did you do instead? me: Told them it was one payment. someone: You are much better at that than I could ever hope to be. me: i actually had to ask my coworker how to start it. me: Everything I was thinking up started with, "Well it's PRE Payment." someone: So then it is paid in advance, right? me: Pre being a PREfix. me: Meaning "Before" someone: So then they didn't have to worry about paying at the end of the month? me: Or the month after that, seeing as it was for a year. someone: So then it would cover how many months to prepay? me: 3.14 someone: Great! someone: Sign me up. me: But you pay for 12 me: That's the bonus me: You get to brag about paying for Pi months. someone: And to think, you thought that you were going to have a boring night at work. Good thing this person called to keep you entertained. me: Entertained nothing, I'm looking up their address to send them a stool sample via USPS. someone: That is you, always in the giving mood. previous By Seth 10:28 p.m. Sunday, June 23, 2002

Customer: Hi, I was interested in PREpaying my acount with your company... will this need to be paid in full, or continue to be withdrawn from my checking account on a monthly basis? And you wonder why I hate my job? By Seth 10:07 p.m. Sunday, June 23, 2002

I bet fewer kids would be the "kid that ate paste in kindergarten" if they made that stuff smell like burning hair. By Seth 08:59 p.m. Thursday, June 20, 2002

I'm going to design a car with no moving parts. It may not go very far, but you won't have to get repairs done on it. By Seth 05:25 p.m. Wednesday, June 19, 2002

The air conditioning in here is causing my nipples to point. This may be cause for a sexual harassment case. By Seth 11:11 p.m. Tuesday, June 18, 2002

What sucks about having a car that only white-bred mid-western american elderly men with bad fashion drive (granted police seem to ignore you), is that nobody wants to steal it so you can get the insurance money. By Seth 05:17 p.m. Tuesday, June 18, 2002

someone: So do I not have a heart since this hamster picture makes me feel nothing? me: Yes. me: Read the next entry someone: Stuffed. me: Best way to have an animal if it isn't between two slices of bread. previous By Seth 04:51 p.m. Tuesday, June 18, 2002

Dear Mr GM President: I am leaving my car on your porch because it is a piece of poop, and I'm hoping you will unwittingly step on it on your way to work and wonder what that stench is... it is your automotive accomplishments... thank you... ... ...asshole. By Seth 03:44 p.m. Tuesday, June 18, 2002

One has to wonder why some toilet-paper company hasn't, for advertising, contracted the song "Taking Care of Business" By Seth 09:16 p.m. Thursday, June 13, 2002

Of course, I'd have mine stuffed. Nobody said I had to keep the hamster alive. previous By Seth 04:25 p.m. Thursday, June 13, 2002

If this doesn't make you want to own a hamster, nothing will. By Seth 04:18 p.m. Thursday, June 13, 2002

Oh, I'm only up this early to talk with the guys that mow the lawn for my apartment complex. I think they understand me because I'm only using my middle finger to communicate. Of course it's questionable if they could see me from my bed, but it's the thought that counts, right? By Seth 07:36 a.m. Thursday, June 13, 2002

someone: i'm comfortable with being an elitest asshole. me: Me too! me: Wee! me: And it just works out that we belong in the same caste. someone: wee! me: ::puts on a bindhi:: someone: ::pets a cow:: someone: ::becomes a british territory:: me: ::almost invaded you, but that's gross:: someone: i'm not sure if passive resistance would have worked against that. me: That sounds like having too much cheese By Seth 10:15 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

That pubic hair is still on my desk. I wonder if it's a lost cause to hope the owner will come by to collect it. previous By Seth 08:15 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

In part of my dream last night I had to drive with my hazard lights on. This was of course called "Alien Mode" within the dream. By Seth 08:09 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

My friend Harmonie is irreplacable. The imaginary-word-of-the-day is supplied by her: Hemotobalobalis Usage: "Yeah, there's a bit of swelling, the doctors think it's hemotobalobalis." "They think it's what?" "Hematoma." By Seth 05:45 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

I need a new pair of shoes... I'm hoping to get a pair of L.A. Gear or British Knights Ok, not really. By Seth 05:20 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

While I'm asking questions... why is there a pubic hair on my desk? By Seth 05:04 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

How the hell does dust get behind the display of my cell phone? Are there dust-gerbils making an escape from a POW camp by digging a hole through a dust bunny and depositing it's remains inbetween the cover and the display? By Seth 04:50 p.m. Wednesday, June 12, 2002

When someone asks you a question and you do not know the answer, do not respond with, "I don't know?" If you don't know(?) why, I'm not telling. By Seth 06:20 p.m. Tuesday, June 11, 2002

You ask: Do you smoke? I respond: Only second-hand. By Seth 05:29 p.m. Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Just once I'd like to hear a cowboy say, "Yee to-the-muthafucking haw!" By Seth 03:43 p.m. Tuesday, June 11, 2002

PREFACE: I work as a chat-based customer service representative for a company that will remain unnamed. Though it is "acceptable" to be a fan of Star Wars... do yourself a favor, unless to another established Star Wars fan, and don't say "May the force be with you" as a closing. This causes me to laugh at you, make fun of you to my coworkers, and gives me a wonderful image of your unclean, greasy, obese figure. By Seth 07:47 p.m. Monday, June 10, 2002

It was ok before... maybe 20 years ago. But I just went to the restroom and a guy walked up to the urinal next to me. It has to have been at least 20 years since I've heard someone undo their velcro fly. By Seth 07:13 p.m. Monday, June 10, 2002

Well, looks like I just couldn't resist, and I'm back. Hopefully I'll actually have something to write... and this doesn't really count. By Seth 06:58 p.m. Monday, June 10, 2002